1 kilo more!

My newest weight is 72.4 :) I've gained 1 more kilo since monday but today I've been a really crappy eater so I had to do something drastic so I don't lose weight again.

BURGER KING!!!! :D

1 big chili cheese burger

1 big fries with a LOT of mayo

6 onion rings dipped in a LOT of mayo

Observation though!!!

I am not a fan of fast food and the nutrition is far from ok but if u want and need fast calories it's the best place to order food from lol

Shit...my stomach is gonna hate me for this but what the heck....a one timer wont kill me....

Cowi

My Goal?!

Since Saturday (2 days) I've gained 1 kilo :)

Yes I did weigh myself before water and protein shakes both times at the exact time....almost. The weight was 70.4 kg Saturday and yesterday was all the way up to 71.4 :D YES!!!!!!!

Not without lack of trying though. I had to add a lot of bread to my diet cuz the butter and cheese just didn't cut it!

Anyhow this body experiment of mine is so new to me and I actually have no clue of where this is headed so I'm excited but I truly hope that it will take me to my goal in june.

My GOAL!

What is my goal?

I'm 180 cm and my weight was 73 kilos from the start. I had a few muscles but mostly I was fat around my tummy, around my thighs, butt etc.

I had cellulites on the ass and on my thighs and I was lacking a lot of muscles in my legs.

I wasn't comfortable with the way I looked and I started to dislike my body.

I haven't shown my legs in public in almost 2 years.

SO......I decided to make a change!

I decided to train bodybuilding to become stronger, tighter and with well defined muscles and reduce my body fat to almost non existing and I wanted to reach my goal in june 2012.

I went to a gym and got a membership and a Personal Trainer and started to train 5 days a week with focus on only bodybuilding and no other exercise. No running and no powerwalks. I bought 4 kilos of Pro Whey Protein powder.

What happened was, I lost 3 kilo of fat because appearently I ate too little.

Everything I stuffed my mouth with the muscles kindda stole and a little extra.

Normally I try to stay off carbs but that resulted in me looking thinner and thinner and since the muscles need a lot of calories I need to eat more than I lose in 1 training session.

SO....I changed my diet (which you can read about in earlier posts)

My GOAL is to gain 10 kilos, from 70-80 kg by end of May. At least 80% muscles and 20% fat I hope and then I will change diet again and reduce the fat from my body to get the muscles to show and hopefully there will be a couple of them under the fat peel ;)

Photos will eventually come when I feel ready. Anyway.....this is why i am writing about food and stuff cuz that pretty much occupies my brain these days. Everything is about the food. If I go wrong there....it will show in my training.

Breakfast; 07.00 1 Protein shake

Lunch; 12.00 3 multigrain bread with butter fried eggs, cheese and potatoes and 1 Proteinshake.

16.00 Snack, (1 Banana)

Cowi

More Food talk :)

Hi, now I've done most of my grocery shopping for a lot of my coming days and it's food that's gonna make me feel great and give me a lot of real energy so I can train hard all week long and hopefully grow in muscle size ;) AND gain weight!!!.

I am listing the food below.

Ps. This is my (gaining muscle and kilo diet) NOT loosing fat so be aware of that.

If ur overweight and need to loose fat and weight, this food might not be perfect for you.

Only if ur bulking and train bodybuilding!

Also...it's quite individual what people are eating during their bulk periods and what might work for some people, might not work for others.

Anyway...this is my food carefully selected by my personal taste etc. I'm writing this down for suggestions but not saying that this is the only way to go. All vegetables and fruit that I buy is 100% fresh.

Aight.....here it comes!

4 kg Potatoes

1 kg Carrots

500g Broccoli

1 Eggplant

1 Squash

1 Cucumber

Spring onions

500g Mushrooms

4 big Chili peppers

175 g Ginger

5 big Lemons

1 kilo Bananas

1 kilo fresh Peanuts with peel

1 bottle of dried chili peppers

1 Sunflower bread (Multigrain without preservatives)

1 kilo Fish (Frozen though)

500 g Chicken sausage (80% meat without preservatives and 100% Chicken intestals)

400 g 100% butter

1 bottle of Sunflower oil

3 packs of Philadelphia cheese (original)

500 g Gouda Cheese

1 liter Milk (3.5% fat)

400 g Sour Cream

400 g Cream (100%)

12 Eggs

I have Rice, Cous Cous and fresh Pasta already and that's also a part of my diet....such as a lot of other vegetables, herbes and Spinach...

The BIG no no for me is real sugar (Cockies, Cakes, Candy, Chips etc...even Pop Corn, Fruit (except bananas) Fast Food, wheat flour, white Bread, Pork, Corn and much more of course but can't be listed right now....

It's LUNCH time now and I am gonna have fish, potatoes with cream, butter and broccoli :D

Cowi

Body thoughts...

Good Mornin' :)

Here we go again talking about food lol....

My body quite enjoy this high calorie diet I'm on and that worries me a bit haha.

I have 2 months of eating and hard muscle training in front of me BUT after that it's time to lay off the calories and start losing the fat I've gained and I hope it's not more than 20% of the gained weight but we'll see :)

Right now I weigh 70.4 kg (155 ibs) and lost about 3 kg (6.6 ibs) in 2 weeks and that's NOT good but I know now that I ate waaay too little and needs to overdose on calories.

My goal is to gain 10 more kg (22ibs) so I weigh approx. 80 (176 ibs) in may just before it's time to def. I have never weighed that much except when I was pregnant so it's gonna be hard to get there but it's worth a try fo' sure. I'm a tall woman 180 cm (6 feet). Maybe I need to say that though it makes a big difference.

My legs hurt from yesterday's training so I decided to let them rest today and concentrate on my upper body such as bi/triceps etc. and my ASS of course since I've forgotten that one for such a time now lol I train my back everyday though since it's the strongest part of my body and it can definately take it.

Cowi

Continuing...........

Another session finito and today I only trained my back, ass and legs (I like the word ass. I think it's a sexy word so yaaa u will hear it alot in my blog lol).

Anyway I maxed my limit a bit more so reps. from 12 last week to heavier weights with only 10 reps. today.'' I feel proud. It's going in the right direction. Horay!!

My P.T Mona stepped on my back today and cracked it with her feet but it wasn't without any heavy persuasion lol. She weigh 70 kg and was scared and refused to do it at first so there I was laying flat on my tummy screaming at my P.T

-STEP UP NOW!!! Lol...and she did and CRAAAAACK....pheew just like that I got a 10 year old younger back :) NICE!!

Ps. Not recomending to try that yourself! Only people who knows exactly where the muscle groups are can do that...serious damage can follow. I knew that SHE could.

And.............the food....hmmm........well...

First of all, -There is NO way that I can eat all the food I mentioned before...IMPOSSIBLE!

Second of all, -I don't think it's healthy, bulking or not...doesn't matter but that's only my opinion but so far and it's 4 AM now, I've eaten 400 g beef with vegetables, 2 pie's with spinach, 2 Pro Whey shakes and a big plate full of chinesefood (Chicken, rise and vegetables).

Since I never eat any sugar and not even fruit of any kind,

(I would have to be wearing a straitjacket and be force fed if I was gonna eat cockies) eeeeww...I allow myself the sugar they put in Chinesefood cuz yes :D I do know that there's sugar in it, especially in soy ;)

Now I will take my tired ASS to bed cuz I am workin' all nite' long.

Cowi

GAAAHHHH

I am a bit angry!

I am suppose to gain weight but lost 6 kilos AND that was NOT in my plan since I am doing heavy weight lifting and need the calories otherwise I wont grow in muscle size.

Eating approx. 3000 calories a day is kindda going against everything I have learned about food and eating but appearently that's what I need to be Big Mama. I have two months to bulk up and get big and in may I will start my def period and be in shape for june with defined big muscles. That's my goal BUT if I am gonna reach it I will have to change my eating behaviour :/

Today's food...400 g beef with vegetables, 2 small spinach pies, 400 g salmon with sour cream and buttered potatoes and spinach, Pasta Carbonara with sourcream, chinesefood with rice, 3 protein shakes and 2 sandwishes with turkey, salad, cheese, eggs and mayo...THAT will do it...let's hope I gain weight now....

Cowi

Shut up and think?

It's almost a week ago since I last wrote in my blog but I simply couldn't come up with something interesting to write about. I feel I have a responsability towards my blog readers to make my content readable and fun.
It's better to think about what you wanna write before you actually write it, otherwise it can turn out like this....

"-Hey, today I woke up and went to the bathroom. I almost tripped on my way there because I forgot to lift my feet, but I manage to reach the bathroom and you can never guess what I did in there? I brushed my teeth!! BEFORE I had breakfast!"

That wasn't SO interesting huh......?

I don't know how many times I've heard that I should think before I open my mouth?
A million times and every time someone tells me that, I actually shut up and start to think......

"-If I do shut up and think before I open my mouth I wouldn't be talking to you in the first place, I'm just being polite"

Maybe I should start to do that. Stop being so spontanius and plan my every conversation.
That would be fun because I would just be quiet and think for a long time about what to say and when I finally come up with what to say I wouldn't say it, because I wouldn't know if it was the right thing to say! See that's just confusing for me so I will continue with what I've always done. Talk before I think!

But....that rule doesn't apply to blogwriting. When you write in a blog you have to make sure that you've thought about what you wanna write before you actually write it................

Wanna have a warning example?



Take a look at the post that you've just read.....

The "mystery" bag

The club next to ours were giving away commercial bags with sex toys tonite.

Everywhere you looked you could see these cute light blue bags. The fun part is that last time it happened approx. 9 months ago everyone went crazy for these bags including me. People always go bananas over free stuff and when it's sex toys on top of that...lol, even worse. Anyway this time wasn't different at all.
As soon as we saw these bags we started to ask around and in the end of our shift one employee after another came out from the club with a light blue bag containing 1 vibrator, I erection ring, 3 condoms, 1 pair of dices (an erotic game) and a pair of loveballs (for a woman's pleasure and u can put them where u like also in the nostrils if they are big enough. I don't know what good that would do but still. The weird part is "Why do we all go crazy when these bags arrive"?
We know what's in them (not really a mystery anymore) and we have the stuff already since last time and we work next to the big sex street and it's full of sex shops where you can buy everything and I mean everythang!! BUT...none of these things matter because AS SOON as we see these light blue bags walking the street we start the competition! "Get a blue bag, one for me ONE FOR ME!" -Hey Boss, can I please go get a sex bag....I'll be back soon...lol
Last time I didn't get a penis ring though. My colleague stole it from me and said I had no use for it lol....but that doesn't matter.

It's a principle!

"You do not steal from my mystery bag with sex toys that I already have and don't really need but still got for FREE" :D

Greedy, greedy, greedy!

Cattlery

Sometimes a Shiny Silver Spoon meets a fork and not just any fork.
A fork that goes very well with the spoon. A Shiny Silver Fork!

The Fork makes the Spoon happy and even though the Spoon is a bit round the Fork likes it and compliment the Spoon's convex side. The Fork got sharp edges and that excites the Spoon.

This particular Spoon I'm talking about has been in the cattlery box too long and had to lay next to all sorts of cattlery like "knives" that turned out to be all wrong.
Pointy and too uptight, not even sharp.

Then there was this "stirrer" that was all over the place and just made a mess of everything.

The worst times though for the Spoon was all the dirty cattlery and I'm not talking about some unpolished silver here. I mean real dirty like repulsive and filthy cattlery that tried to come close to the spoon and that made the Spoon uncomfortable.

But.....

It wasn't just all bad in that cattlery box.
No, the Spoon actually had some good times with a few butter knives that covered the Spoon in grease once in a while.
The Spoon kept mostly to itself and looked at other spoons and their forks, knives and stirrers and wondered if it one day would have what all the other spoons had!

But all of that was before Shiny Silver Fork......

He gives Shiny Silver Spoon..

............good Forking...............

She gives Shiny Silver Fork..

............good Spooning.............

Ps. Don't say Forking quickly cuz that would make my post dirty and I wanna keep it polished ;)

Best wishes

Shiny Silver Spoon

My second baptism 2008

-I give all of my power to God and I'm now clueless to everything like a newborn baby..
I thank him for my courage and my strong will. There's actually nothing I can't do when I have him on my side. I shall see today and tomorrow and next week trough open eyes and never question his good will and all the power that he gloryfies! God is my umbrella in a rainy world!

Amen

Valentines day 2009

Is this day a day of joy or sorrow? Is this day made up for the commercial sector just so they can make extra money from people in love, or is it simply made up because we should'nt forget our loved ones? Well it doesn't matter how we wanna see this day. The fact is that this day is a fork in single womens eyes.

What if you think about that special person you have in your heart but can't talk to him. What Kind of impact does this day have on you then? Should this day make you reflect over things you've done and not done when it comes to showing affection for that person? Should this day make you think about where you went wrong or make you realise that you simply did nothing wrong at all. We just weren't meant to be together

Something pulled us back together again and again but I doubt it was Cupid lol.

Didn't we have any understanding for eachother?

Wasn't there any love?

It's with great sorrow I write this letter but I feel I have too.

I'm trying to use this day as a reflection day so I wont end up in this situation again.

I wanna think about what went wrong and why and how I can prevent it from happening again.

How can I build up my strength from here, without becoming apathetic towards love and how can I move on without missing him too much? By just moving on and Find a new guy to love and care for. That will scare the shit out of me but I will jump and try to fly again.

I wish him the best and hope he's happy. I'm going to be. I loved him for the man he was and his faults and misstakes. Nobody's perfect and neither am I but one thing I know now is that you can choose if this is gonna be a day of joy or sorrow.

I chose sorrow but I'm changing it......to joy.

I loved someone and I will again some day.......when the time is right! :)

Until then.....

I'll be great on my own!

xoxo

Cowi

From 2009

I've been wondering about dreams. Where do they come from? Why do they exist? Are they neccecary at all? Is not having any dreams a sign of having it all already or simply a realistic way of thinking. My conclusion is that dreams might not be dreams instead they might be goals you want fulfilled in life and you "dream" about them constantly to be reminded of which path to take.

Sometimes when the dreams are big and many it might be hard to focus and you'll get a feeling that you can't have it all! That shouldn't be the case. What you want is what you want and you shouldn't be forced to chose, not by yourself and certainly not by anyone else. Life is short but still long enough to maintain all the ingredients you need to live a happy and fulfilled life. If you only focus on one dream at the time, you'll see that things are starting to happen and a happier life is taking form.

My dreams are not exactly different from others. I grew up in a working family. My parents were married with 4 kids and we had a house, 2 cars and a dog. We were far from rich but we didn't miss anything in particular. I went to a small school in a tiny community where everone knew everyone.

I played with boys and climbed trees and made cars out of wood and scrubbed my knees and discovered my blood time and time again. I was also a little girl with dreams and read books about princes and princesses and white horses. I wanted to find my dreamprince, and become a thief who actually paid for stuff instead of stealing it. Lol.

I thought I was very inventive back then. 25 years later I might have a bit more knowledge and logic but still the same dreams. (Exept I don't wanna be a thief).

Little girls grow up with fairytales about how life look like and they truely believe that they are a tiny little helpless princess in a tower who's waiting to be rescued by a knight in shining armour. (The girls are learning really fast though that it's not how life works so the go out in life and look for the right one instead of sit and wait.), or they screw it alltogether and concentrate on career.

Little boys are growing up learning that there's equality between boys and girls and that girls don't need to be rescued at all. So 20 years later boys are restless and play around with different girls cuz no one needs to be saved and the boys are getting confused.

The girls are still dreaming about that special one who shall come and make their lives complete and while they're waiting theyre playing around with the confused boys.

When a girl find that special one among all the boys, she needs to be very careful. Prince's IRL don't want girls to step forward. They want them to sit quiet in a tower and wait for the prince to take the first step....like fairytales.

It's just that the towers are empty. The princess'es are out having fun with prince's and they dance and fight for eternity cuz both sexes are so confused and messed up because they don't know their places anymore??

What I'm gonna do with my dream?? Haha...I don't know! I'm confused and messed up so I'll probably continue with the dancing and fighting until I die.

With no strings attached or the right one finds me one day and our compatibility is 100%. Who knows?

Blog is up and running again, first post in 2 years!

I'm not even gonna go into all the stuff that happened since last time I blogged but I will mention the important shit. I guess you could say that I have a new life or at least a different one then before. I've changed location and job. I now live in Hamburg with a friend sharing appartment and bills. It's ok, a bit small though but I am not gonna live in it forever so it's good for now.

What else is new? My job...right! I work as a security supervisor in a club on Reeperbahn/Hamburg. 2 clubs actually but it's the same owner so I only have one boss (pheew) ;)
I love my job even though it's hard sometimes but i guess it's the same thing for everyone.

I'm 32 years old but i feel older and younger than that. (Don't ask) it's complicated.
I'm a woman with hopes and dreams like everyone else I suppose and I live one day at the time.
If there's something I've learned from life it's that the further ahead you look the longer time it takes until you get there, if you ever get there at all!

I'm gonna be honest and a bit open in this blog but i wont share too many of my intimant thoughts. That would just be weird. The reason to why I have a blog is simply because of myself. I need to write, every single day to feel good and get shit out of my system. I'm a complicated person but aren't we all?! This blog is probably gonna be very boring because I have serious problems with getting "naked" and write about juicy stuff. I usually keep all of that to myself so people only know approx. 5% of the real me.

Saturday

4 am
Yesterday was a great day. Me and my son cleaned out the whole appartment and now I have a whole lot of space. Both in my rooms and my closet. I was'nt able to use my 3 three rooms before. The third room was more of a storage but now I have a bedroom, working room and a dining room. It is sooo nice!! Anyway....this day is kinda stressful.
I'm going to Ystad to my brothers b-day party. Normally I'm working all weekends but today I was able to switch my shift :)
I wont have anymore time to write today. I have to go to the laundry room and get my clothes.
I have a lot of sorting out to do!! Arrgghh I hate clothes!!! Why can't we just walk around naked or something. Ok..that raises a lot of other issues and proplems and besides, it would be too cold. Another better solution would be "NOT BUYING MORE CLOTHES" I have enough already...
Anyway.....this lady is gonna make herself a cup of coffe and getting down to business...
Ps. I LOVE my appartment...I'm glad I did all the work yesterday...It's absolutely lovely!

Inspiration might be on it's way back home..

Another day has come to an end and I'm beat! My day was wonderful with fun activities!
I've been in the sauna and I bathe in the jacuzzi and just enjoyed life.
I'm too tired to write though and will go tuck myself in now and turn off the light.
Being lazy and play with my son made me in a better mood so I'm gonna start with work again tomorrow and see if I can get things done. I have a few designs in my head and I just need them on paper and I'm ready to go. Maybe it will come to me when I close my eyes.
Nighty night y'all!

Yesterday...

12.20 am

Hello hey....
I was suppose to blog a little earlier but my computer had it's own way today and I had to update a bunch of shit to make it work. Something with the anti-virus. Really annoying :/
It's thursday and the weather is really bad.
Today it's the first day of my son's summer vacation and we're going to a water palace called Aq-va-kul.
Yesterday was a really nice day. I spent it with my son, mum and niece. We ate thai food and went shopping. Later last night I drove to my great grand mother in another town and paid her a visit. She was very happy to see us and we drank coffee, ate cockies and talked until 11 am.
I have'nt seen her in 3 years. It was really nice.
So yesterday was a very intense day. At 12 pm we were finally home and I carried a really tired 9 year old 4 floors....

Today.....Aq-va-kul :)

I'm up and so is the cock!

Shit, that sound so hilarious. I just had to say it. I'm used to say that word in different situations.
NOT talking about that in here though!! It's not that kind of blog :O

It's 6.30 pm (The blog clock is still wrong)
I'm sitting with the 2 of my best friends in the morning.
My coffe and my computer. I have a bit of a headache and please don't ask me why cuz
I got plenty of sleep. 7 hours. I went to bed 11 am last night and fell asleep almost immediately.
I'm going to ystad today, my hometown. It's gonna be a nice day with the kids and my family and I'm not gonna think about work or any lack of inspiration or what so ever. Just enjoy the day and the rain :(

Anyway...I use to read a blog before written by a Big brother winner in Sweden. She was/is quite a subject on people's lips and everyone loved/loves to gossip and talk about her and the disappointments and surgerys in her life. This girl got breast inplants, fixed nose, botox and the whole debacle and then we add a little heartbreak and failure into the cake, so yeah.
She's quite a subject as you can understand. People loves to hate her and everything she does because they simply don't have a life on their own.
I haven't read her blog in quite a while (6 months ago to be exact) until today.
I was really suprised and what I read made me very happy.
This girl with so many failures and heartbreaks and insecurity had turned it around. A lot can happen i six months :O
She had met a nice guy and fallen in love and was now pregnant with her third child and the family seemed very happy and she looked happy. Not that kind of fake happiness that you see everywhere. No a real genuine one and it was a really nice mood boost to read it this morning.
I felt a tiny bit of optimism flushing trough my body and once again I felt that feeling.
Life do start after 30.

http://kanal5.se/web/rosing

Gnight

The time is 7.51pm so that silly blog clock is all wrong! I don't know how to change it :(
Anyway this is my last blogging for tonite. I'm exhausted so I'm gonna take my cute little hiny to bed. My son's school is out tomorrow so we're going to church with his class.
He's real excited that school is over and summer is here! My school is starting during summer though but I'll only be there mondays and tuesdays so it is not so bad. I'm excited too actually.....to start! I've looked forward to it. This education is something I have wanted for a very long time.

Anyway....it's time to sleep...or at least crawl under the covers with a movie and a teddy bear.
I have a cute teddy here on a loan. I lived with a guybefore and when he moved out he left all of his stuffed animals behind. It's actually nice to have them around me when I sleep. It got nothing to do with him though. It's just reminding me of childhood :) Innosence and stuffed animals :)
Stuffed animals are actually better to sleep in with. Both the guy and my son are kicking and hitting in their sleep so imagine the big of a danger I was in lol.
I remember one morning when I woke up earlier then the guy and gave him a kiss on his chest. Before I had the slightest chance to react I received a big slap right in my face!
I screamed ofcourse and I remember he opened his eyes and said!
-"Oh...I'm so sorry, I thought it was a fly"!!

Anyway.......bed....now....movie......teddy bear....gnight!

The geek in me is drying out my source of inspiration

To regain some inspiration for my upcoming fashionshow,
I have bought myself new sketch pads and I have new pencils as well.
The show is gonna be held in august. I really hope I can get all of my designs ready in time. I kinda hope that these pads are gonna help me.
I'm really tired now as well. I went up 6 am and sure I've been doing some important shit but it's still not enough. I've been moody all day and I'm disappointed in everything I do right now.

I need some fuel to my quiet life. I should do some exiting stuff.
If only I weren't such a geek I would go out and get myself a hot date with a hunky man or do some dangerous sports lol......no but seriously....

I need a date!!
Maybe that's why my inspiration is gone because I don't have enough s.e.x in my life? (Am I even aloud to say that in a blog) It's summer now!!
(well a rainy boring summer) but anyway....it's still summer and during summer a girl should go out and amuse herself and meet exotic men and don't think about tomorrow :)
Hmm....THAT did'nt sound like me.
I'm not even sure if I'm that girl anymore or even was??
She might be in me somewhere?? I'd better find the cool girl and toss the geek out before I get lost in the swamp of old maids lol

Inspiration come to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!